How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
