so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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