this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
