drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
