I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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