3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
