Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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