Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
