My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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