Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
