even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
