I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
