I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
