I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
