At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
