I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
