It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
