Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize