thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
