Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
