matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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