i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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