i may or may not be watching the land before time
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
