But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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