i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
