I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
