Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
