And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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