Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
