Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
