Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm going to jail i love you
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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