Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
