i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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