The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize