I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
