Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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