i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
