been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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