Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
