i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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