Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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