i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
