That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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