I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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