just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
