just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
