he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I love having hate sex.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
