my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
