I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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