You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
