I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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