do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
