is your mom at the bar?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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