my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
