i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
