wrigley field is MILF paradise
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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