batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Your cock deserves a montage
You made out with two different species that night
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
