I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize