P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
