If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize