at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
