My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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