So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
