pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
