Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
