just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
