it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
