So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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