i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
