No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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