I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
