And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
