I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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